A Lake Show Stag Party
By Keith White
After the news of Kobe and his wife Vanessa agreeing to cancel their divorce last week, and Phil Jackson finally putting a ring on Lakers’ own executive Jeanie Buss, it’s pretty clear love is in the air. Every holiday season, men around the world pop the big question to their better halves and look forward to not only their lavish wedding, but secretly their upcoming stag weekends/bachelor parties.
This got us to thinking about if we were organising an aforementioned wild stag do, who from Lakers teams of old, would be the best to invite? With so many great personalities to have donned the Purple and Gold over the years, we’ve had to be pretty picky, but this is our list.
Derek Fisher. This guy is as organised and reliable as they come, and you know they would make sure your big night went well. He can command a room full of egos and loudmouths. Everyone would have received hand-outs of the nights schedule and printed directions to the hotel. You know that dinner reservation would be made for the right night.
Guy Who Gets The Girls
Shannon Brown could probably pass as Chris Brown from a distance. By that time, you’ve already got the hordes of screaming girls into your VIP booth, so time to bring out your A game and turn this into an opportunity!
Guy Who ‘Organises’ You ‘Other’ Girls
Rick Fox. If you’ve seen He Got Game, you’ll remember, vividly, the collage visit scene when Rick’s character helps try and convince Jesus Shuttlesworth to choose his school by providing some female entertainment. You need a guy like this on your team.
The Guy Who Always Spills His Drink
Kwame Brown. This man was a walking accident when it came to hand-eye coordination. You know he’d the be the first to lose control of his Jagermeister and see it landing on the cross-fader of the clubs’ DJ booth. He would have been the first pick on this list, but Michael Jordan wasn’t at that meeting….
Guy Who Gets You In The Club
Cedric Ceballos. A crazy bunch of 6ft 8 out-of-towners are always going to have trouble getting past security at the club. Luckily your old pal knows a few tricks he can do with a blindfold on, to impress the bald monster in a tux, and blag your way inside.
DJ Mbenga. Sure his music choice would probably be terrible, but it ain’t a party unless you’ve got a DJ. Plus if you want some heroics and antics on your big night out, this guy once got arrested for drunkenly touching up a police officer after a heavy night out. That makes The Hangover pale in comparison!
The Funny Guy
Chucky Atkins. You can’t be called Chucky and not have a sense of humour (see Rugrats). It would be even better putting his name on the guest list, and trying not to laugh as he convinces the door staff it’s his real name. He’s also the only one on this list who you wouldn’t have to be on your tip toes to talk to.
Last Man Standing
Robert Horry. When it’s the end of the night, and your final order of drinks is sitting on the bar, and is being ignored by your green faced friends, you know Robert is always down to take the last big shot.
Token Old Guy
Stu Lantz sounds like a straight up guy. His voice makes any timeout-induced highlight of Kobe’s last circus shot, an entertaining one. He’d be like your Grandfather coming on a night out. You know he’d be on neat Whisky all night too, showing the young’ns how to do it.
Your Own Personal Security
Dennis Rodman & Metta World Peace. When that table of guys next to you decides to get a bit mouthy, you don’t have to worry about sporting a black eye on your wedding day. Plus, Metta brings the added advantage of having someone in your squad who is always up for throwing ‘bows.
The Weird Friends From School You Had To Invite
Mark Madsen and Vladimir Radmanovic. Mark might jump on the mic and spit some awkward Spanish lyrics while you all look on (from a distance) Vlady will probably decide to his own night out and you’ll find him the next morning tied to a parking meter holding an inflatable sheep with no recollection of who you are, or why he’s there.